How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize