I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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