I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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