i just wanna soil my oats bro
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Randomize
