First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
