roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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