In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
