Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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