Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
we're making bets on your personal life
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
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