i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
