does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
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