That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
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