I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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