dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
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And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
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