I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
