I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
