Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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