They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
