What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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