1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Randomize
