In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I just sucked dick on a ferry
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