I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
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