How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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