I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
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