i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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