That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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