Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Randomize
