Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
