Umm I'm too high to move.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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