tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Randomize
