It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
