SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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