I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
