i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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