using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
