is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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