She's JV to your varsity
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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