Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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