I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
