Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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