people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
