I'm going to jail i love you
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
