tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Drunk walkin through police station. America
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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