Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
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