she was so not down for the gang bang
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
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