My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
