What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
