I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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