i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
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