your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
