I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
