so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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