yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
