You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
