Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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