she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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