I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Randomize
