It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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