Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Randomize
