Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
