my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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