I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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