My nipple is on Facebook.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
