Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Randomize
