did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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