some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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