I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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