His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
