i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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