you would pick up someone in the library
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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