when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
