I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my liver is dry heaving
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize