Your dad touched me again.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
