I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
