So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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