it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize