Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
