threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
