one word: firstdatebathroomanal
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
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