Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
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