The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize