I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
