weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
